Succinct, Slightly Derisive Doogie Howser Episode Summaries: Season 1
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Cast of Characters
Doogie (Dr. Douglas Howser, M.D.) The opening credits inform us, against their cheesy synth background music, that Doogie graduated college at 10 and med school at 14. I THINK NOTVinnie (Vincent Delpino) Doogie's Best Friend Who Climbs In His Window (every show needs one). A hormonal and somewhat racist Italian-American charicature.
Dr. Howser (Dr. David Howser, M.D.) Doogie's stern, moral authority-bearing father. (Yes, technically Doogie is also Dr. Howser.)
Mrs. Howser (Katherine Howser) Doogie's Stepford mom.
Wanda (Wanda Plenn) Doogie's girlfriend. Has a husky Lauren Bacall voice that makes her always seem stoned.
Curly (Nurse Curly Spaulding) An oh-so-pretty nurse. I think Curly is her real name.
McGuire (Dr. Jack McGuire) An oh-so-pretty resident. Also hormonal, but successful.
Canfield (Dr. Benjamin Canfield) Doogie's boss at the hospital; equivalent to Dave from "Alvin and the Chipmunks." ("Dr. Howser!")
1x1 Pilot
Doogie Howser, world's youngest medical resident, turns sixteen, gets his license, and takes a girl called Wanda to a dance.Additional Doogie Superpowers: In addition to being a doctor, we learn in this episode that Doogie knows everything there is to know about law, and that he is a leukemia survivor. Most shows develop a complicated, temporally impossible backstory over time. Not this one!
Most Cringeworthy Moment: Curly, one of the nurses at the hospital, removes Doogie's pants for no reason.
Most Cringeworthy And Also Best Moment: The camera lovingly follows baby NPH as he jubilantly showers and suits up for the dance.
Gayest Moment: Faced with the prospect of actually kissing a girl, Vinnie vomits.
1x2 The Ice Queen Cometh
Doogie misunderstands a biological-clock-ticking radiologist's request for a sperm donation.Most Cringeworthy Moment: All of them.
Most Cringeworthy/Best Moment: Doogie and Vinnie have a lengthy conversation about how obsessed they are with sex.
Gayest Moments:
- VINNIE: There could be a nuclear war tomorrow, and you didn't get to do it, and I didn't get to hear about it!
- VINNIE: I've had it with you. I never want to speak to you again. You're out of my life! I'll talk to you tomorrow.
1x3 A Stitch Called Wanda
Wanda is embarrassed when Doogie has to perform her emergency appendectomy.Most Cringeworthy Moment: Doogie's mother explains how horrible and violating it is for women to get pelvics. Jeez, woman, it's not that bad.
Gayest Moment: VINNIE (in falsetto): Oh, Doctor Howser, I looove you!
1x4 Frisky Business
Doogie drinks on call. Oh, Doogie, haven't you ever seen Scrubs?Most Cringeworthy Moment: Doogie gets irate when pulled over by a cop.
Gayest Moments:
- VINNIE: Okay, picture this. You, me, the sand, the surf, our bodies schmeared with cocoa butter...
- VINNIE: Hey Doog. You and me. We're okay?
1x5 The Short Goodbye
Doogie toys with the idea of moving out but learns that living with your parents is actually awesome.Cool Guest Star: Nana Visitor, TV's Major Kira, plays a feisty pop star patient whose tough exterior hides fragile ex-runaway nougat center.
Most Cringeworthy Moment: Probably Kira's speech about her rough home life.
Gayest Moment:
DOOGIE: I had to come back, Vinnie.
VINNIE: Why?
DOOGIE (inexplicable Southern accent): Cause I just missed you so darn much. Now how about a big wet kiss? Come here!
1x6 Simply Irresistible
Doogies toys with the idea of joining a private pediatric practice but learns that working for an underfunded public teaching hospital is actually awesome.Additional Doogie Superpowers: Speaks Spanish; performs minor magic tricks.
Gayest Moment: McGuire repeatedly tells Doogie "I'm going to miss you around here. It won't be the same without you." Doogie gives him the silent treatment for dating a girl.
1x7 Vinnie Video Vici
Vinnie makes a Doogie Howser fanvid to "Sharp Dressed Man" (PG-13 for nudity).Additional Doogie Superpowers: Speaks Japanese.
Gayest Moments:
- Taping Doogie's room, Vinnie finds a book entitled What Every Man Should Know About His Prostate. "Number one, don't go looking for it," he jokes. Methinks the lady dost protest too much.
- Vinnie enters Doogie's bathroom and tapes him in the shower. Doogie pushes the camera away, and Vinnie complains, "Doogie, if this is gonna work, you gotta keep your hands off my equipment." MTLDPTM.
- VINNIE: My video teacher said pick a subject you find totally fascinating, so I picked you.
- CHILD: Is there kissing in this movie?
DOOGIE: Anything Vinnie's involved in gets to that eventually. - VINNIE (to the camera, at the end of his video): So that's my friend Doogie Howser. Even though he's genius and a doctor and mostly perfect, he can be as big a jerk as the next guy. And I appreciate that. It makes us more like equals. I mean, otherwise, how could we be best friends, right? I guess that's it. [walks toward camera, pauses] Except for one other thing. I've known Doogie since we were five years old. He's a permanent fixture in my life. And if something's going to be there permanently like your mother or your sister or something, you'd be pretty lucky to get Doogie Howser. At least that's how I feel.
- Personal Journal: "I know that I'm supposed to be the smart one, but when it comes to the art of friendship, Vinnie's a genius."
1x8 Blood and Remembrance
Doogie is jealous after Wanda goes out with another boy; a divorcing couple bickers over blood transfusions.Gayest Moments:
- DOOGIE: I'm not going out with Brian Johnson!
- DOOGIE: What does Brian Johnson have that I don't have?
VINNIE (immediately): Shoulders. Big ones. And chest hair. - DOOGIE: I can't write poetry.
VINNIE: You need inspiration. Brian Johnson is six feet of hairy inspiration.
1x9 She Ain't Heavy, She's My Cousin
Vinnie dates Wanda's fat cousin, and Doogie makes a plastic surgery patient cry.Gayest Moment: When a girl tries to kiss him, Vinnie protests, "I need time to ease into these things!"
1x10 My Old Man and the Sea
Doogie is bitchy on a father-son fishing trip, until an emergency surgery binds the doctors Howser together... as colleagues.Milestones: This episode contains the world's fakest noogie.
Gayest Moment: VINNIE: That's quite a rod you got there, Dr. Howser.
1x11 Tonight's the Night
Doogie and Wanda consider having sex, while in a cautionary hospital subplot a teen mom briefly abandons her baby to Doogie.Most Cringeworthy Moment: The scene where Doogie and Wanda sit awkwardly on the bed listening to Vinnie's opera music and then Wanda begins joylessly unbuttoning her shirt is very painful.
Milestones: Doogie shows Wanda his journal.
- VINNIE: Give me a big hug, you studly man!
- Doogie can't get it up for his girlfriend.
1x12 Every Dog Has His Doogie
Angry that the hospital isn't serving homeless patients, Doogie performs surgery on a dog.Cool Guest Star: Bluth patriarch Jeffrey Tambor as a member of the hospital board.
Gayest Moment: Doogie pats Vinnie's arm affectionately, looking slightly teary, as they lie side-by-side on the bed watching a newscast in which Vinnie expounds on Doogie's good qualities: "He's brilliant and very passionate about medicine, and that's something for a sixteen-year-old. Usually they're just passionate. Believe me, I know."
1x13 Doogie the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Doogie fakes illness to get out of working Christmas and party with his friends, but immediately realizes the error of his ways.Most Cringeworthy Moment: Vinnie explains to Doogie and Wanda why they are very attractive when they kiss.
1x14 Greed is Good
Doogie's father is impressed with his integrity after he deliberately throws a game show when faced with the prospect of splitting the prizes with his friends and family.1x15 Attack of the Green-Eyed Monster
Doogie flirts with another girl at the cinema; interminable Bogey impressions.Most Cringeworthy Moment: Dr. and Mrs. Howser's rumpled post-coital advice-dispensing.
Gayest Moments:
- VINNIE (sitting next to Doogie, mouthing along with the movie): Just put your lips together and blow.
- VINNIE (in falsetto): Good night, my little Doogie Bear! [smooches the air]
1x16 It Ain't Over Until Mrs. Howser Sings
Mrs. Howser toys with the idea of returning to her musical roots but learns that the feminine mystique is actually awesome.Most Cringeworthy Moment: An entire episode of mounting dread as we anticipate Mrs. Howser's embarrassment at the open mic night turns out to be Cringeworthy in an unexpected way as she completely skips the performance but is comforted in cringeworthy manner by her terrible husband who is visibly relieved at her failure.
Gayest Moment: Doogie and Vinnie kick back to watch some home movies of themselves hugging as little boys.
1x17 Tough Guys Don't Teach
In a spectacularly contrived move, Dr. Canfield sends Doogie to teach a series of sex ed lectures at the high school. Inevitably, Doogie gets punched in the face.Most Cringeworthy Moment: aaaauuuuurgh
1x18 I Never Sold Shower Heads For My Father
Vinnie's father wants him to take over the family business after graduation, but he wants to go to film school.Most Cringeworthy Moments: Every time Mr. Delpino hints at using a showerhead as a marital aid.
1x19 Doogie's Awesome, Excellent Adventure
Doogie administers emergency treatment to the coolest, cutest boy in school who insists on "paying him back." Makeover time!Gayest Moments:
- GRIFFIN: Did you give me mouth-to-mouth?
- Doogie gets a single, left-lobe earring.
- WANDA: Don't be mad at him, Vinnie. Griffin just sucked him in!
- DOOGIE: Griffin deserted me. In a second. And even though I didn't bring you to the party, you saved my butt tonight.
VINNIE (looks like he's going to cry; approaches Doogie; puts a hand on his shoulder): I am a great guy.
1x20 Use A Slurpy, Go To Jail
Doogie and Vinnie learn a lesson about racism when they are held up in a convenience store by a friendly hoodlum.Most Cringeworthy Moment: Doogie and Raymond argue about white privilege.
Gayest Moment: After dancing to "Bust a Move," Doogie, Vinnie and Raymond sit around cozily looking at porn together.
1x21 Whose Mid-Life Crisis Is It, Anyway?
Doogie's father is depressed when Doogie invalidates his life's work, so Vinnie suggests gathering all the people he's helped together It's A Wonderful Life style, so they do that, and it's fine.1x22 Vinnie's Blind Date
When the blind patient Vinnie's been romancing regains her sight and seems disappointed, he nobly/defensively breaks up with her.Gayest Moment: DOOGIE: Can't you just talk about your feelings without us having to sweat together?
1x23 And The Winner Is...
Doogie and McGuire bungle attempts to win the coveted "Resident of the Year" award by schmoozing.Most Cringeworthy Moment: McGuire accidentally smashed his boss's $2300 bottle of wine.
Gayest Moment: Vinnie tries to teach Doogie how to swing a golf club.
1x24 Breaking Up Is Hard to Doogie
Doogie and Wanda break up because their relationship is so boring; McGuire and Curly go on a date.Milestone: Mid-episode journalling.
Most Stilted Dialogue: CURLY: You're acting like... like a scorned lover, or... WAIT A MINUTE.
1x25 The Grass Isn't Always Greener
An older girl comes on strong to Doogie, who eventually resists her advances due to the age difference and then, as an afterthought, asks Wanda to take him back.Most Contrived Moment: Doogie and the Babe of the Week impress each other by naming philosophers.
Gayest Moment:
- Doogie casually refers to Vinnie as a "good-looking little Italian guy."
- VINNIE (trying to talk Curly out of taking him to the E.R. for a fake injury): Doogie's like my personal physician. He's very possessive of my extremities.
- Doogie fails to get it up for a Laker girl.
1x26 Frankly, My Dear, I Don't Give A Grand
Vinnie comes down with tonsillitis within moments of potentially losing his virginity; Wanda reveals she is going to Europe for the summer.Additional Doogie Superpowers: Speaks French.
Most Legitimately Amusing Moment: Vinnie does a serviceable Doogie on the phone.
Gayest Moment: The episode opens with Doogie and Vinnie entering a swank hotel (in the same revolving door compartment) and asking the concierge for a room.
VINNIE: A double. Nothing too flashy, unless you've got something in a honeymoon suite.
DOOGIE (nervously fingering the pen holder, glancing at Vinnie): The, uh, bridal party will be arriving later.
CONCIERGE (raising an eyebrow): How festive.
VINNIE: If the honeymoon suite's unavailable, I'll take anything with a king-sized bed. And thick walls.