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Unnecessarily Exhaustive Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 4 Recaps - Part 1

Jump to an episode:
*** 4x2 Family Picard visits the old homestead in France. You know, the part of France that's England.
** 4x3 Brothers Data visits the old homestead in let's say Degobah, and Brent Spiner plays three parts poorly.
**** 4x4 Suddenly Human Picard awkwardly fathers a human child unwillingly freed from captivity aboard an alien warship.
*** 4x5 Remember Me Crusher is the last human being in the world.
*** 4x6 Legacy Data befriends a woman claiming to be Tasha Yar's sister.
*** 4x7 Reunion Worf has a son, and Picard has to pick the new Klingon emperor.
**** 4x8 Future Imperfect Riker wakes up sixteen years in the future as a captain and father. NOOOO!

 

4x2 Family

Picard voiceovers that the Enterprise is outfitting near Earth and recovering from "the Borg incident." Worf meets with Riker, who offers to give him more time off while his parents are visiting the ship. The answer: "No!" Riker wonders if Worf is worried about his parents finding out about his "discommendation" from the Klingons, and Worf says they already know, but "No human can truly understand my dishonor." So, I guess that happened.

As Picard prepares to visit his family on Earth, Troi has one of those annoying TV mirror conversations with him. She tries to psychoanalyze his reasons for going--surmising he's not over his Borg trauma--and he resists analysis. She gives him the world's most telegraphed cheek kiss. Seriously, I don't know how they manage this, but like a full minute before she kisses his cheek you know she's about to do it.

"My mother is always late," Worf complains in the transporter room. "It's so human of her." "Well, you know women," says O'Brien vaguely, and it's enough of a non-sequiture that I like to think that's his stock not-listening response to everything. "I wish they would come so it would begin and end sooner!" says Worf. O'Brien sympathizes about parents, saying his father's a lech. Worf's parents finally arrive. Sergei and Helena Rozhenko are a nice middle-aged middle-class fake-Russian couple. Sergei, a former Chief Petty officer, bonds a little with O'Brien, and expresses enthusiasm about seeing the ship, uttering what will become his catch phrase, "I have all the specs and diagrams at home!" Helena fusses in maternal fashion over Worf.

The pleasant violiny movie-music and Patrick Stewart walking down the tree-lined sun-dappled path almost convince you you're watching something of quality. Picard runs into a young boy, and they banter a bit with their different English accents. Everyone in 23rd century France has an English accent.

RENE: I know who you are. You're my nephew.
PICARD: Then you must be my uncle, Rene.
RENE: No, it's the other way around.
PICARD: That's too bad. I quite liked the idea.

Rene brings Picard to the house, where he meets Marie, his sister-in-law, who has been writing and filling him in on the happenings back home. Marie takes Picard out to the vineyards where we meet the brother, Robert, another RSC-style ham. He refuses to hang out with Picard, pronouncing, "I have to cure this poor, sick vine," with much gravitas and Acting!

Back on the Enteprise, Crusher and Troi are having a romantic dinner in Crusher's quarters when a package comes to the door. It's some of Jack Crusher's things she had in storage on Earth. She finds a message Jack recorded for Wesley when he was born. Family!

Worf winces and cringes while his parents gush and bond with LaForge. LaForge is just smily and pleasant and amused. He readily agrees to give Sergei a more in-depth look at the new warp core or whatever. "Call me when you--" Worf begins, and amends to, "when my father wishes to leave." Nice save. Worf leaves with Helena, and Sergei gets serious, asking to speak with LaForge about Worf. "Sure, Chief," says LaForge with much empathy, and it's a sweet moment. Sergei wants a picture from the ground of how Worf is really doing with all this discommendation stuff.

Dinner at the Picard house. Rene is excited about star travel, declaring he's going to be a starship captain when he grows up. Robert snarks his way through it, muttering and ranting about Picard's synthahol-ruined palate, people messing about with things unnecessarily, "your wretched technology," etc. Marie tries to remain positive. Picard tries to stay out of it. He really can't win, though.

Later, Picard strolls through the vineyards with his friend Louis. "Hydroponics turned out to be so dull," Louis declares in a voice I can only describe as "English J. Peterman." He's now working on "the Atlantis project," an ocean exploration and revitalization project, which Picard takes an interest in. Louis says the project badly needs an intrepid go-getter for a director, and he'd ask Picard to take the job, "only you'd never leave Starfleet." There's a pause, and then Picard says, "No. I'd never leave Starfleet." But the pause was there, and Louis notices it. He gets Picard to agree to at least look at the schematics.

Helena tries to hold Worf's hand in Ten Forward, prompting Worf to say, "I wish we could be a little more... reserved." I love Worf. Riker calls Worf in to talk about some phaser thing, and if I know Riker that's just a pretext for calling him in to talk about Feelings, but we don't find out; we stay on the parents, who are interrupted in their stargazing by Guinan. She gets them to talk about Worf's upbringing ("He never wanted any human food growing up!") and informs them that Worf always orders prune juice and that when he is sad, he stargazes in the direction of Earth, not the Klingon Empire.

Picard admits to Marie that, for a moment, he considered the Atlantis project. Marie says it would be nice to have him closer to home. Picard thanks her for treating him like part of the family, and Marie says he is part of the family, and it's a nice moment. Louis arrives to tell Picard he set up a meeting with the board of directors, and Picard is angry at him at first, but then agrees to go.

"I don't understand, Mom. What kind of message?" asks Wesley slowly. Crusher says she doesn't know, and Wesley should maybe watch it. Well, that was a waste of scene, serving only to make Wesley look like a giant idiot.

Sergei and Helena drop by Worf's quarters unexpectedly, but he doesn't turn them out, just shows them to a couch and starts baring his heart without waiting to ask why they came by. "When I first saw your names on the visitor list, I was not sure I wanted you to come," says Worf. "But I am glad you are here." They say they had to come; they don't really understand the discommendation stuff, but they knew their boy was in trouble, and they had to be there for him. They remind him he doesn't have to go through it alone, and they know he's a good man and whatever he did was for a good reason. Worf clearly doesn't think that much of their support in Klingon matters, but he gives them a tentative group hug.

Robert makes fun of Picard as he drinks, using the stilted euphemism "out of control" so often that I have to assume the censors wouldn't let the writers use the word "drunk." They talk about Starfleet, and Robert Englishes, "What the devil happened to you up there?" Yes, and where are my slippers? Picard walks outside, and Robert follows, continuing to bait him. They have one of those TV family arguments where they actually talk articulately about the real issues underlying their feelings, instead of pissing each other off over salt shaker placement or something like in real life. Robert always resented Picard for having things come easily to him and being celebrated by everyone and getting away with breaking the rules; Picard resented Robert for bullying him. The argument heats up, and Picard decks Robert. And on a dime, they're off, viciously mud-wrestling. On another dime, they're lying in puddles, covered in mud, laughing. "You asked for it!" Picard laughs. "You needed it!" Robert laughs. And on a third dime, Picard's laughter turns into weeping, and he's talking about his violation trauma. "I should have been able to stop them! I tried! I tried so hard! But I wasn't strong enough, or good enough!" "My brother is human after all," says Robert. Acting!

Marie is horrified to find the house covered in muddy footprints and Robert and Picard draped on her furniture, singing in nonsense French and muddying up everything. Robert tries to explain, "I fell down, and then he fell down..."

"We both fell down," says Picard.

Jack Crusher's message to Wesley is Eerily Ironic: he says things like "I hope you don't resent the fact that I was gone so much." He's talking about his Starfleet-related absences, and he suggests Wesley might want to try on the uniform some day. Wesley looks down at his Starfleet uniform and smiles. Jack says some trite yet earnest things about how much he loves Baby Wesley, and poor Wesley's face is heartbreaking.

Picard bids his family adieu. Since he's decided to stay in Starfleet, he's eager to get back to the ship. He says goodbye to Rene, calling him "uncle," and Rene says someday he'll be leaving for his own starship. Picard smiles uncomfortably and says, "Well, there's plenty of time for that. You might decide to do something else," the way you do when your adoring nephew announces in front of his conservative parents, "Someday I'm gonna be gay like you, uncle!" (See? You knew I'd work slash in somehow.) Rene just makes a "no way" face. Picard thanks Robert for big-brother helping him once again, and Robert gives him some wine and tells him not to drink it alone, and they hug.

Picard runs into Worf and his parents at the transporter bay. Worf introduces them with hardly any embarrassment. We're making strides.

"He's still out there," says Marie. "Let him dream," says Robert. We close on a shooting star going by as Rene stargazes. Yes, Rene, dream away. If you try to leave the vineyard your father will destroy you.

 

4x3 Brothers

Picard VOs that some shore leave is being cut short by a medical emergency. Riker sternly questions a young boy, getting him to confess that he was responsible for his little brother eating a plant crawling with infectious parasites. Why is First Office Commander William T. Riker scolding children? Even very bad ones.

Riker calls in Data to escort the boy to the time-out corner. Data is expositing about the importance of getting to some space station to cure up the brother when he suddenly goes silent, occasionally jerking his head slightly, like a squirrel. The boy is understandably freaked out.

After the credits, Data enters the bridge and takes his place at one of the downstage console chairs. Worf, Wesley, and Picard begin expressing alarm at various weirdnesses. Why is the ship veering off course? Why is the ship speeding up to warp 9.3, even though Geordi keeps radioing them to cut it out, the ship shouldn't go above warp 8 until at least an hour after eating? How come everyone is locked out of command? Nobody seems to notice that Data is still quietly typing away and not responding to questions. Then bridge life support shorts out, and Picard orders everyone to reconvene at Engineering. Data remains on the bridge, and Picard just nods at him, as if to say, "Why aren't you--oh. Right. Don't need to breathe. Whatever. I'm outy!"

In Engineering, Geordi has figured out that the cause of the life support short is something-or-other running in "negative mode." Now, I'm no starship expert, but I don't think that sounds like a good mode to have. The senior staff, who for the purposes of this episode are knuckleheads, all try to remotely connect back into the main computer, but Data has shut them out. We cut to Data giving the computer various commands, including hacking into systems only Picard can access by perfectly imitating his voice. I guess there's no reason why Data's computronic net (or whatever it is he has in that noggin) shouldn't be able to do that, but it's creepy, and I object. The bridge team in exile finally figures out that Data has suddenly and inexplicably turned renegade and taken control of the ship and all its resources. They don't even seem surprised. I guess it's not like it hasn't happened before. Man, Data is such a liability.

Next time we cut to Data, he's sitting in Picard's chair. That's the biggest slap in the face yet.

Troi brings the little boy to see his sick brother, because it's not like there's a shipboard emergency going on or anything. The brother, who is in a little quarantine bubble thing, turns his back. Troi tries to get Older Brother to talk to Younger Brother, but Older Brother says, "It's a waste of time. He won't listen." Okay, I know that's anvilicious and I don't even know what it's anvilling.

The assembled cream of the Starfleet crop is totally useless against Data. They can't control or even read any of their consoles. "The only way we knew we'd come out of warp was by looking out a window," says Riker with disgust. Ew, windows. They're so... bougeois. Meanwhile, Data's still giving the computer commands in Picard's voice, this time issuing an incredibly long security code in which every other number is seven.

Data leaves the bridge and stalks through the halls, throwing up force fields left and right like a wizard, so we get a chance to showcase the uselessness of the security teams against Data's might. Data reaches the main engineering core, forcefields Riker nearly in the face, and beams away.

He rematerializes on a lush plant-ridden soundstage. He makes a beeline for the single human structure rising out of the trees. Inside, we pan over chemistry sets and human body diagrams and random prosthetic hands and feet--your usual Dr. Frankenstein kit--until the camera finds... Brent Spiner in Miracle Max makeup! I mean, Dr. Noonian Soong!

The gang on the enterprise tries to figure out how to get back control of the ship without rerouting power in such a way that it will disturb the force fields keeping the sick boy quarantined. In other words, a technobabble scene.

Cut back to the Soong compound, where Data is patting his head and rubbing his tummy and whistling "Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush." Can we go back to the technobabble? Once Data has dance, monkey, danced for his pleasure sufficiently, the creator and createe have a heartfelt conversation.

SOONG: I gave you the ability to choose anything you wanted to do. Why Starfleet?
DATA: It was Starfleet officers who rescued me.
SOONG: So you emulate your emancipaters. How disappointing.

Data asks Soong, "Why did you create me?" and Soong leads him through a series of annoying Socratic questions to the conclusion that Soong wished to achieve a kind of immortality through his own special brand of procreation. Just as I'm getting sick of Soong, we get a badass old-west style shot of boots entering, and we pan up to the blank face of... Data. Oh, great, everyone, Lore is here.

After the break, Data hovers and frets while Soong restores Lore's consciousness. "Don't be ridiculous, Data! Lore is far from the maniacal android you've made him out to be," says Soong. Oh, this is going to turn out great. When he wakes up Lore begins doing his usual schtick, i.e. being really nasal and creepy. We get a bit of a recap of the last Lore episode--apparently, Data shot him into space after Lore wreaked some havoc on the Enterprise. When Soong hears Lore's version of the Data/Lore backstory (that Lore was created first, but was too perfect, so Data was created to be more comfortably non-human) he insists that they're equally perfect, just different. A dad would say that, but Data is so impressed he just stands there saying "I am not less perfect than Lore," over and over. By the time Lore brattily mimics him, I'm on his side.

Soong apologizes for not fixing Lore's obvious emotional problems, saying he would have if he'd known Lore was alive and conscious. Lore's like, whatever, and starts to walk out, but Soong stops him in his tracks by announcing, "I'm dying!" Raise your hand if you saw that coming, even in this nonsense mishmash of an episode. We get a textbook example of the differences between a robot without emotions and robot with emotions as the two androids take in the news of their creator's impending death. Data says "Interesting. What is the cause?" Lore cries, "What? No! You look fine! You're not that old! You look fine!"

Soong explains that he activated his trapdoor homing beacon to bring Data back so he could give him his final opus: a basic emotion chip calibrated just for him. Lore gushes that he's so happy for Data. Data says, "I question your sincerity." Soong says, "Maybe this chip will teach you to be more trusting." I hope not. Data is clearly right.

Cut to Soong finishing up the install and turning Data back on. Immediately Data breaks into song with "Abdul Abulbul Amir." A song about people killing each other. Nice. Data thanks Soong for granting him the gift of song--I guess the ability to sing depends on emotional response; someone go clue in those severely autistic kids with perfect pitch--calling him "dear father" in an evilly insincere voice. Still, Soong is touched to be called "father" and does not notice that this is clearly Lore. When Lore clues him in, Soong is horrified: the emotion chip wasn't calibrated for Lore! He will only become more unstable! Lore does not care. He knocks out Soong and effects some escape which I can't pay close attention to because Step One is opening his thumbnail door to access the controls in there and it is GROSS.

Riker and Worf arrive. I guess at some point the crew regained control of the ship and went after Data. No hard feelings about the whole hostile takeover thing, then. Riker revives Soong while Worf heads into an adjoining room and emerges manful-heroically with Data in his arms. Swoon! They get Data up and running again and everyone crouches around Soong. He's really dying now. Thanks, Lore! In a tables-are-turned kind of moment, Data asks to say goodbye to Soong, and Riker makes this face like, Uh, sure, go for it, what are you waiting for?, and Data has to say pointedly, "Alone?"

Data tells Soong it is all right for him to die because he has succeeded in creating robot-immortaility. For an emotionless android, Data is doing a hell of a lot of emoting, lots of wide eyes and little gentle almost-smiles. Then, as if remembering his character suddenly, he says, "You know I cannot grieve, sir." Right, right. Pure lip service. As soon as Soong fades away, Data says, "Goodbye, father." It's just like the previous episode when Wesley said "Goodbye, father." You know, this plot thread might have worked better in the previous episode. It would have had to be about 50% shorter to accommodate Picard's A-plot, we would have had to cut Worf's parents and the Quarantine Boys, and we would not have had to watch poor Picard be totally ineffectual against an attack on his ship. Win-win-win.

What, this is the end? What about Lore? Oh, whatever. In a final scene, Data watches the human boys reconcile and play dinosaurs through the quarantine field. Crusher says something pat about brothers always forgiving each other. Data makes creepy squirrel-jerky head motions, just to leave us with that classic X-Files Godzilla-eggs THE END...? kind of feeling.

 

4x4 Suddenly Human

The Enterprise detects a distress beacon from a Telarian ship. Although the Telarians have historically used distress beacons to lure in unsuspecting do-gooers and attack, Picard makes the call to go and help. Riker and Crusher beam on board and find the weakened bodies of several Telarians youths, all in uniform: a training ship. Crusher is alarmed when she removes the helmet of one of the young soldiers and finds a human boy.

The med team attends to the teenaged Telarians and human. Crusher tries to make small talk with the human, Jono, but he's silent and expressionless. He's free of radiation poisoning, but when she tries to examine his old scars, he begins screeching a horrible annoying moan, and the others all join in. Crusher turns to Troi, who helpfully supplies, "They're terrified!" Picard enters, and his "Please can I have your attention"s are useless, but when he gets totally annoyed (as does the audience), he snaps "Stop that immediately!", and they do. Troi informs Picard that Jono won't speak. Delightfully, Jono jumps up and introduces himself immediately thereafter--once he's heard Picard addressed as "Captain." He asks to be taken back to his own captain.

Crusher pulls Picard aside and tells him she's found lots of old injuries on the boy, suggesting he was abused by his captors. She diagnoses him with Stockholm Syndrome. It's good that a 1970s hostage situation is still so fresh in everyone's mind in 2330 or whenever this is supposed to be. They're interrupted by a hullaballoo back in the main medbay room: Jono's gone ape. "I just suggested he take off his gloves!" wales Troi. Nice work, Troi. Picard snaps "Stop that immediately!" again and Jono calms right down. Magic words! Data summonses Picard to the bridge, and Crusher has Worf to escort Jono to quarters.

Jono annoys Worf by suggesting that he too must be a prisoner of the humans, and by scoffing at him for taking orders from a female. "You are human, and among humans, females can achieve anything males can," Worf PSAs. Jono insists he's not human, and begins moaning again. Worf backs up, simultaneously alarmed and annoyed. I'm with you, buddy.

In the conference room, Data informs the rest of the senior staff that Starfleet has analyzed Jono's DNA and identified him as the grandson of their own Admiral Rosa. Jono's parents were killed in a border dispute with the Telarians when he was three, and he was presumed dead, too. Troi (wisely, for once) advises against yanking him abruptly back to his biological family. She thinks he should "explore his humanity" with someone on the Enterprise first. Picard's like, great, you do that, but Troi taps in Picard. Twinkly semi-whimsical music plays. Oh, great, when did this turn into a "Three Men and a Baby"-style farce? Also, doesn't Picard have, like, things to do? Yeah, yeah, he's the only one Jono has responded to so far, but it's only because of his rank. Surely Picard could delegate to Riker or LaForge or, hell, even Ensign Redshirt #9. Any male human officer who does not hate and fear children.

Jono is screaming again when Picard walks into his quarters. Picard forbids him to make the noise, and seems pleasantly surprised when his order is followed. Wow, some people have respect for the chain of command! (Troi.) Jono doesn't like his quarters, and when Picard asks how they can improve things for him, Jono says, "I have always lived with my captain." "Yes, well, that wouldn't work here," says Picard quickly.

Cut to Picard and Jono entering Picard's quarters. Wah-wah! Picard flits about trying to get Jono not to touch things. Jono finally tires of this and sits down. Picard asks why he doesn't take off his gloves. "So I don't have to touch an alien," says Jono scornfully. Picard moves right along, asking Jono if his captain has ever hurt him. Jono says "Pain is not a consideration." Culture clash! I'd like to state for the record that Picard's uniform-tugging is constant in this episode, probably because his discomfort is constant.

Picard meets with Troi. Finally, he brings up all the things he should have said two scenes ago. His time, he suggests, would be better spent "carrying out the duties and responsibilities of a Starfleet captain." Well, yes. Troi's having none of it, accusing him of fearing a parental role, and psychoanalyzing him until he breaks. But I feel that this is a legitimate concern! Who is captaining this ship right now? Also, since when does Picard take orders from Troi? This is not her call!

Picard shows Jono pictures of his parents and himself as a baby. "See? You knew how to laugh, once." Well, I mean, just because he doesn't laugh while he's being held prisoner on an alien ship... Jono affects disinterest, but when Picard leaves to meet with the Telarian captain, he looks at the pictures and is flooded with memories of the attack.

Our midway act break hinges on the Telarian captain, Endar, claiming to be Jono's father. This is such a soap opera. After the break, Endar explains that, rather than leave baby Jono to die on the battlefield surrounded by corpses, Endar claimed him and raised him as his own. Seems reasonable enough. He seems genuinely shocked when Picard accuses him of torture, and laughs when he hears the list of injuries--broken arm, etc. He chalks it all up to standard rambunctious-future-warrior mishaps. He's actually quite convincing, and I'm rooting for him. Picard says, though, that they can't return Jono to Endar: his Earth family is waiting for him. Endar says that, in that case, he has reserve forces ready to move in. Touche.

Picard, Troi, and Crusher meet. Crusher's against letting Endar see Jono; Picard is for it, for pragmatic diplomatic reasons; and Troi agrees they have to allow it or Jono will never trust them. Endar and Jono's (supervised, per Crusher's orders) conversation is very warrior-culture non-emotional yet emotional: "This may lead to war. You may die." "I am ready to die." (commence Athosian-style forehead touching)

On the bridge, various credited characters who haven't had many lines so far chime in on the situation. Worf scoffs that it's not worth going to war over a child. (Note that he hasn't met Alexander yet.) Data exposits that according to Telarian custom, Jono has reached the age of decision, so the Telarians will have to give him up if he chooses to leave. They recieve a message from Starfleet... for Jono.

The message is a video letter from Admiral Rosa. She tells Jono how happy she is to have him back and that he's the last of a long proud line of Rosas. NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING. Jono is both impressed and angered to discover that Rosa--a woman!!!--outranks Picard.

He's full of anger and no outlet, so Picard takes him to the holodeck to play racquetball. They wear little coordinating skintight capri jumpsuits and sneakers. During the game, Jono is overcome with post-traumatic attack memories for some reason, and Picard holds him while he cries. Later, Jono shares his fractured memories of his pre-Telarian life. I'm surprised he has any; I don't remember anything from when I was three. I think they must be false memories. A mother who held him and sang? Please. He's just listened to "Castle on a Cloud" one too many times. Picard tells Jono that his pain is a part of being human, but he can also feel joy just as strongly. Jono is skeptical.

Picard takes Jono to Ten Forward where they come upon Riker and Wesley, you know, just chilling together. Wesley offers Jono some of his banana split, and Jono slams the spoon into the bowl so hard he flips it and Wesley's face is spattered with ice cream. Riker starts laughing first, then Picard. Assholes. Jono jumps up and says "Forgive me!", but when Wesley starts laughing, Jono does, too. Poor freaking Wesley, man. I don't care if you don't like him, you have to admit it's pretty harsh that his humiliation epitomizes human joy.

Picard wakes up that night and finds Jono standing over him, watching him sleep. Creepy. Suddenly, Jono produces a knife and stabs! Whoa, okay, didn't see that coming.

Picard comes to later in the infirmary. The knife deflected off his collarbone, preventing any major injuries, and Crusher is fixing him up. On the bridge, Riker has to deal with Endar, who demands Jono's transfer in the next five minutes. Riker tells him Jono is being held in custody for the attempted murder of Captian Picard. Endar's like, screw you guys, none of this would have happened if you'd returned him in the first place! The two ships prepare for battle.

Jono is brought before Picard in the sick bay. It turns out his murder attempt was really a suicide attempt: attacking a captain means immediate death in his culture. (He's from 1800s England!) He explains that he's all torn up inside from guilt, feeling he's betrayed Endar. "As I grew closer and closer... to you," he says romantically, "I knew that meant leaving more of [my old life] behind."

As Endar calls Riker back to argue some more, Picard arrives on the bridge with Jono. I like how it only took Endar's five-minute time frame for Picard to have a tender moment with Jono, come to a decision, get released from sick bay, put on his uniform, and get to the bridge. Picard announces dramatically, "There has been a crime committed on board this ship... but it was not Jono's." It was the Enterprise crew's, for not respecting Jono's feelings, and for causing so much pain in a "strong, noble" young man. Jono will be returned "to the only father he's ever known... to you, Endar." Yes! Yes! Around the time of the Wesley incident, I was pretty sure they were going to go the triumphant lost-boy-recovered-to-Starfleet route, and I'm very glad they didn't.

Before he leaves, Jono takes off his gloves and does the Athosian forehead-touch with Picard, and Picard gets a heartbreaking look on his face. Well, that was a nice episode. I don't usually like episodes centered around guest characters, but this was pretty compelling. It was a genuine moral dilemma, where both sides had reasonable points, and the first time I saw this episode, I honestly didn't know what was going to happen. As I said, I'm happy with the way it ended; it's nice to see the pro-other-cultures, pro-individual-freedom, ostensibly non-Imperialist values of Starfleet actually get upheld from time to time.

 

4x5 Remember Me

We open with Crusher narration so we know it's going to be a Crusher episode. She's welcoming on board her old mentor, Dr. Dalen Quaice, who only wants to talk about how old he is and how everyone he knows is dead. Way to go, Captain Bringdown.

Crusher drops by Engineering to see Wesley, who's running an experiment in the warp drive and being yelled at by Geordi for taking too long. Oh, great, this is going to be one of those episode where it's all Wesley's fault. Why do they let him run experiments? They always go horribly, horribly awry. Case in point, there's a mysterious flash. Geordi's like, out out out out! and Wesley slinks off.

Crusher goes back to see Dr. Quaice, but he's gone; his quarters are empty, and the ship's computer says "There is no Dr. Dalen Quaice on board the Enterprise." Okay, moving along nice and speedily before the credits.

Crusher reports her guest's disappearance to the rest of the crew. Nobody remembers seeing him or hearing he was going to be on board--Picard even starts to give Crusher a minilecture about proper procedure for guests, but she insists she put in the request months ago. Crusher points out grimly that the computer's sensors wouldn't pick him up if he were dead. Riker wonders if the ship's computer has been tampered with and Picard wonders if Dr. Quaice has any enemies. He agrees to a thorough search of the ship, orders a diagnostic and has Data research Quaice, seeming really concerned: "We should leave nothing to chance." I like how everyone pitches in so readily. Actually, right up until the very end when there's just fast and furious technobabble (oh, sorry, spoiler alert), everyone in this episode acts logically, jumps to the appropriate conclusions, and takes the smart action. There's no point at which you're yelling at the screen, "YOU GUYS ARE SO STUPID." It's impressive!

Data can't find any information about Quaice--not in the Starfleet records, nor any medical or birth record. And O'Brien doesn't remember beaming him on board. He remembers Crusher coming to the transporter room, but, he says, she just looked around and left. Crusher brings O'Brien to sick bay to examine him, despite his protestations that he feels fine, but when she calls her assistant, nobody responds. When Crusher reports that her staff is now missing, and what's more, nobody remembers them--not even their families. Picard and Riker are confused: Crusher has never had a staff. "Why am I the sole medical officer on a ship of over a thousand?" Crusher demands. (I'd be more concerned about why the missing doctors' families believe they are on board a ship.) Picard corrects there--there are only 200 people on the ship.

Worf is the first credited character to go mysteriously missing. The ship's complement dwindles to 100. Crusher also narrowly avoids getting sucked into a giant ball of blue energy at one point. Someone does suggest Wesley's experiment as a possible cause (they're learning)--something about a "warp bubble"--but Geordi says there's no way that could have got beyond engineering. For some reason.

Crusher begs Picard to go back to the starbase for a full diagnostic. "I realize you have only my word..." "Your word has always been good enough," said Picard. I like that everyone is supportive and errs on the side of believing Crusher; they would be justified in thinking she's just crazy, since her memory provides the only evidence that there's something abnormal going on, but they've known her a long time, they trust her, and things like this happen in Star Trek, so it's nice that they give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, "nobody believes me because it seems crazy, but it's really true!" plots are so tired.

Crusher, herself, is doubting her sanity, though, which also provides an interesting moment and logical step in her thought process. She asks Troi to assess her sanity. "What if it's not some elaborate conspiracy? What if it's just me?" she asks. "What if it is just you?" asks Troi. "So what? You have acted in the best interests of your ship and your crew... And if this turns out to be just a mistake, then we'll be a little late arriving at Uranian IV. That's all." A refreshingly logical speech from the Troister! Suddenly Crusher remembers about Wesley's existence.

She runs to some room filled with nothing but maps of the ship (Wesley's bedroom??) calls for Wesley desperately, sure she's not going to find him. Then... he walks in! Kind of a cool moment, actually. Wesley seems to be edging toward the "you're-crazy" side, but he says he's already contacted Kozinski to talk about the possible ramifications of his experiment. I remember Kozinski! He was in that Season 1 episode. He was working with the Traveller, that tall supergenius alien with three fingers on each hand who wore pajamas and kept eyeballing Wesley with creepy lust. Nice callback. Anyway, Kozinski doesn't know much, and Wesley has been unsuccessful in his attempts to contact the Traveller. He doesn't even know if he's still alive. Oh yeah, he was sick. (Yeah he was.) Crusher rushes down the hall, telling Wesley they'll get the captain to help them track down the Traveller, but when she turns, he's gone. Maybe he just got bored and went home.

She doesn't waste much time mourning, just heads on over to the bridge. Picard is the only one there. In fact, she and Picard are the only crewmembers on the ship! Crusher gives an extended Oscar-clip tribute to absent friends. Picard listens very patiently, then approaches and says, "Perhaps you should confine yourself to sick bay." Ha! Crusher laughs crazily. "It's all perfectly logical to you, isn't it? The two of us, roaming about the galaxy in the flagship of the Federation, no crew at all!" "We've never needed a crew before," says Picard, poised sexily. This is where the sex would happen, if this was a slash story. Oh, close enough: Crusher tells Picard she needs to say something, and she may not get another chance. She begins, looking down at her hands, "Jean-Luc, you and I..." But when she looks up he's gone. Buck up, Crusher. That's what my love life is like, too.

Alone on the ship, Crusher has another near-miss with the ball of energy. Okay, wow, we're still only 30 minutes into the episode. They dispatched with everyone right quick. Is the rest of the episode just going to be Crusher and the voice of Majel Roddenberry?

No, we zoom out past the energy and we're... back in Engineering with Wesley and Geordi! Crusher is the one in the warp bubble, and the non-bubble crew knows about it, and have been trying to get her out. (Remember, the next time you see a giant blue vortex attempting to suck you, submit!) But they have failed. Wesley looks devastated. Suddenly a voice announces they should not give up yet. The Traveller has appeared on board! Wesley gazes upon him with eyes wide with love.

The last fifteen minutes of the episode are a lot lamer than the first 30, so I'll try to be quick. The Traveller explains that the pocket universe or whatever that Crusher is in is being sustained by her thoughts, and was created by the thoughts she was having when the bubbles was created. While this does explain some things (why it tapped into such a basic, nightmarish type scenario; why it didn't make much logical sense) it also creates some disturbing questions (how is this possible? do people only give Crusher the benefit of the doubt in her dreams?) The question is, what can be done to get her out? Geordi and Wesley have exhausted the technobabble options they were able to come up with. But the Traveller tells them there are more things on heaven and earth. He lays his hand on Wesley's arm. "There is a power in each of us that most people have not begun to realize. But you have begun." Okay, too easy.

Back in the bubble, Crusher questions the computer. She's triumphant when she stumps it, which is kind of a cute moment. Still, it doesn't help her situation. It's not just people that are disappearing now: the bubble is collapsing. The Nothingness is approaching! Bits of the ship are disappearing. Life support will break down in four minutes. We should note that this is a Dream!Life Support, so it's okay if that estimate doesn't make sense. I'm a little unclear as to whether the bubble is Dream!Collasping. Could Crusher have just survived in there forever if she'd been thinking pleasant thoughts? She will die, though, when she believes she's going to--I think the Traveller established that--so there's real danger. And the moment when Crusher asks the computer, "Here's a question you shouldn't be able to answer. What is the nature of the universe?" and the computer responds "The universe is a spheroid region approximately 700 meters in diameter" is pretty cool.

The Traveller is still being all mysteriouslike and Yodaing Wesley in Engineering: "We will be going beyond mathematics." This takes the form of Wesley closing his eyes tight and moving his hands swiftly just below shot while the Traveller intones, Guide-style, "Let it go, Wesley. Let is all go. Yes. The ability is there inside of you." Yeep.

In the bubble, Crusher more or less figures out what is going on, which is both unrealistic and unneccessary. She "Leia.... hear me..."s to Wesley, and I don't think it works, really, but they manage to create another vortex and Crusher lets herself be sucked back to the real world. She hugs Picard first and then Wesley, then asks how many people are on board and Picard says 1,014, and everything is fine! The end. Shhh, forget all your questions. All's well that ends well, right?

 

4x6 Legacy

Data, Riker, Worf, and Troi play poker. Riker calls Data's "the best poker face I've ever seen." Strangely, it's not that good. Data and Riker have won all the fake money. "I suspect conspiracy," Worf grumbles. Riker says it's getting harder to bluff Data. THIS WILL ALL BE SIGNIFICANT LATER.

Riker proposes a game for the pot: "I bet you that I can find any card you pick from this deck, and furthermore I will make you help me." It's one of those games where Riker has his eye on the card the whole time, but he makes it seem like he's arbitrarily narrowing down the deck by having Data cut the cards. Obviously, Data is not going to be impressed by this trick, so I don't know why he bothers. As soon as he succeeds, Data explains how it was done and collects all the money for himself. Although, technically, "unless you can figure out how I did it" was not part of the deal. As the ranking officer, Riker really could have just said "I order you to help me find your card" and he would have won.

Plot kicks in. A small Federation ship is in trouble in orbit around the home planet of the late Tasha Yar. Warp breach in five minutes! Picard orders warp factor 9.3, and when Data reports that will get them within transporter range in 7:15, he upgrades to warp 9.6. What's to stop them from constantly going at their maximum speed? Does Geordi get a free kick for every minute they spend above warp 8? Just as they arrive, the ship explodes--they're too late! An escape pod managed to get off, though, and it's heading for the surface. The evil, evil people of Yar's home planet refuse to answer hails and once warned a Federation envoy that anyone attempting to beam down would be killed.

So they decide to beam down! Worf tries to talk Crusher out of going: "Lt. Yar spoke of rape gangs, and--" "Lt. Worf," Crusher cuts him off. Just in time, too, because there was no possible end for that sentence. Lt. Yar spoke of nothing but rape gangs. O'Brien waits for Riker to strike a particularly jaunty energize pose, and then beams them away.

Down in the city, the team gets into a standoff with some ruffians, who spirit them off to a hideout. The leader exposits that the city is run by two major "cadres": the Coalition (them) and the Alliance (who have the Federation men). The leader loses any and all badass points when he gets excited about having scored a shipment of synthale. It's nonalcoholic, dude. It's like, "Whoa! Awesome! Zima!"

The leader tries to bluff his way into Federation-issue arms, saying he needs them to maintain balance and keep the peace, but the away team is wary. Riker and Data explain that they know all about the violence and chaos of this planet, since they have a dead crewmember from around there and all. Having given the Coalition all the information they need to be social engineered, they trundle off home.

On board the Enterprise, the senior staff is trying to decide how to proceed when they get a call from the leader. He has someone very special he'd like them to meet: Tasha Yar's sister. The leader says he wants to help the Federation, and he's willing to lend them Ishara Yar as a guide to help them strategize an escape for their men. Huddle, guys! Troi senses nonspecific deception. So, nothing new there. Picard decides to take the deal for now, because there would be no storyline otherwise.

Data meets Ishara at the transporter bay. While he escorts her, they chat. "Tasha and I spent much time together. We had a number of conversations," Data hints significantly, clearly hoping to be further probed on the exact nature of the relationship. He isn't. Ishara says Tasha was a coward for leaving when things got dangerous. Data is offended. Oh, sorry, he's not capable of offense. He's, um, he disagrees? Then he says, "For a moment, the expression on your face reminded me of her," all tenderly. Data likes him some Yar girls.

Strategizing time! "Access tunnels are here, and here," says Ishara, pointing at a map so zoomed out it's totally useless. Also, can we make a list of all the scenes in fiction opening with that line? Ishara knocks down some plans, and then suggests one of her own, involving using herself as a diversion. (All of the members of both cadres have a chip in their neck which alerts the other cadre when they are close, a device which does not bear thinking about.) When Riker objects, she shouts, "If you had time you could come up with another plan but you don't!" Way to ostentatiously pressure everyone. She may as well yell, "But, my ulterior motives!" Riker's not as dumb as he looks, and he goes to check with the captain about this. We don't see the conversation because we go to sick bay instead to watch Crusher draw blood from Ishara and Data to say more gentle supernonandroidy words about how Tasha lives on in our hearts but when Riker comes back he reports grudgingly that the captain has approved yet another Coalition-proposed plan. I think he is in on this caper. They must be bribing him with synthale.

I'll summarize the operation in brief. They're ultimately unsuccessful in that they don't get the guys back, but Ishara does her part bravely, distracting the enemies while Geordi does some engineering thing. There's some hiccup and Riker has to order Geordi and Worf to beam back early, while he himself goes to find Ishara. He gets to her just as she's being beaten down, and he beams her broken body back to sick bay.

But she's going to be okay! Modern medicine. Picard tells Riker the results are in: "Ishara is Tasha's sister." "After what she did for us down there," Riker smiles, "that doesn't surprise me one bit." Picard reprimands Riker for taking "unnecessary personal risks." Riker explains that he didn't want another Yar to die under his command.

PICARD: It's an emotional response, Will. We can't afford it.
RIKER: Yes, sir. [turns to go]
PICARD: Commander?
[Riker turns back.]
PICARD: Well done.

Oh man. So cookie cutter, and yet nonetheless so delightful. What I especially like about this exchange is Picard's choice to use "Will" in the rebuke and "Commander" in the praise. The other way around would not be nearly as interesting.

Data and Ishara pore over the incredible zoomed out map some more. Ishara asks where Tasha's post is, and Data says it's where Worf is standing now, which I only mention because Worf's awkward look up, all "hey there", is pretty great at this moment. Ishara asks about Tasha's friends on the ship, and Data says she was especially close to Worf, Riker, and himself.

ISHARA: Are you able to have friends?
DATA (apparently affronted): Yes!
ISHARA: But you don't have feelings, do you?
DATA (apparently momentarily stumped, then): Not as such. However, even among humans, friendship is sometimes less an emotional response and more a sense of... familiarity.
ISHARA: You can become used to someone.
DATA: Exactly. As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The input is eventually anticipated and even missed when absent.
ISHARA: Like my sister.
DATA: Yes. Like your sister.

Nice try, Data. No, seriously: nice try. I like this explanation of friendship. Lucky for Data, even among humans, dramatic repetition is sometimes less an emotional response and more a sense of the script not being quite long enough.

They plan another rescue attempt. Ishara's getting a little more clever about having her agenda furthered; when the logical solution to a problem is to remove her sensor-setting-off implant so that she can move freely with the team in the compound, she lets someone else suggest it, and then expresses ambivalence. She eventually decides to do it, though, and she gives the removed chip--a smooth yellow Lego-looking thing--to Data as a souvenir. That's... nice.

Over drinks in Ten Forward, Ishara talks more about friendship and how Tasha may have made the right choice. She wants to join Starfleet, too, now. Later, Data puts in a good word with Picard. Troi warns Picard that Ishara's "loyalties are divided," but Picard doesn't want to "deny her an escape" from her hostile environment. Data comes out and nods to Ishara, who thanks him, and says where she comes from, nobody does anything for anybody else without an ulterior motive. Data says his ulterior motive is Ishara staying on the ship. Whoa, slow down, Tiger. She hasn't been around long enough for you to get used to her. Ishara says she has to tell her compatriots back home her decision, so Data sets her up with private communication. "It's working," she tells her boss. OH NO SHE IS A SPY????!!

Caper time! Back down in the catacombes of the city, there are some tense moments where we are meant to think Ishara is leading them into a trap, but she doesn't, and they do find their men. But there's an attack as they're heading out and Ishara sneaks off during the proceedings. Data finds her setting up explosives on some power thingy. Data has some trouble processing the realization that Ishara's friendship with him was all part of an elaborate plan to get into enemy territory. Ishara does genuinely seem to like him up until the end, though; while she refuses to back down and betray her Coalition, she desperately begs Data to get out of the blast zone before the explosion. Data won't let her commit a crime, saying, "My duty requires me to intercede," which is totally my new catchphrase. He steps forward, and Riker arrives just in time to stun Ishara and save him from a phaser "kill" blast. (Would such a thing kill Data? Unclear.)

I guess they bring Ishara back to the Enterprise because next scene we're all back there. But Picard, semi-compassionately and semi-disgustedly, elects to send her back home. Data brings her to the transport bay, where she tells him, "That time we spent talking. That was the closest to friendship I've ever had." Man. Sad. Also, why do I get the feeling "talking" put in at last moment in place of "testing your full range of functionality"? (Those Yar girls love a coin-operated boy.) Data just says, "Energize."

That seems like the end, but we get one more scene! I love when it seems like the end but we get one more scene. Data shows up at Riker's to talk to him about betrayal. Riker says the possibility of betrayal is inherent in all trust, and does his usual lusty grinning but-we-gotta-do-it-anyway. What a human! "Perhaps I am fortunate, sir. To be spared the emotional consequences," says Data. "Perhaps," says Riker. Data gets up abruptly and walks out, then stops in the corridor to look at Ishara's chip and run his finger gently along the edge. Sometimes I hate this show.

 

4x7 Reunion

The Enterprise runs into a Klingon vessel bearing an ambassador whose name sounds like Kaylar (I'm telling you right now, I am not going to get these Klingon names right), whom I guess we're supposed to remember from an earlier episode. Worf doesn't seem super pleased to see her. She says she has an "urgent matter" to discuss. Picard orders Worf to meet her at the transporter, and Worf tries to get out of it--not, surprisingly, because they clearly have a past personal relationship, but because he is a dishonored Klingon or "buttock" (I told you). Picard is so bored. He sharp-tongues that Worf is a member of this crew etc. and Worf withdraws his objection. At the transporter, he's alarmed when two beam down: Kaylar and a tiny, tiny, tiny little Klingon child.

He is so tiny! He is like a scale model of a Klingon.

After dropping off the kid, Alexander, at Enterprise daycare, Kaylar tries to talk to Worf in the turbolift. "Perhaps you have not heard of my dishonor," says Worf. Kaylar scoffs at the dishonor thing, and baits Worf to ask about Alexander's parentage, but he won't. I don't think he's wrong to assume the kid isn't his; he's operating under the assumption, understandable, I think, that the answer to "Is the child mine?" should never be "yes" unless the question is raised by party B while party A is in the process of saying "The child is y---" Worf exits at his floor and Kaylar calls after him, "What shall I tell Alexander, that he has no father?" It hasn't come up?

In the council room, Kaylar exposits that she represents the Klingon leader Kimpeck, whose impending death will most likely send the empire into a civil war. In a private meeting with Picard, Kimpeck declares that he is being poisoned, and requests that Picard mediate the Klingon ritual of succession. Picard refuses on the grounds that it would be totally inappropriate for a Federation officer to choose the next Klingon leader (correct) but Kimpeck insists, saying that refusal would be an insurmountable insult. Man, the Klingons really overuse the insurmountable insult thing. Besides, Kimpeck explains, Picard won't actually actually pick the leader--he'll just officially name the two challengers, who then fight to the death for the position. Kimpeck wants Picard to figure out which of the current challenger candidates is the poisoner. I'm not sure how he can do anything about it even if he figures it out, but whatever.

Worf picks up Alexander at day care and is shocked to find him trying to intimidate human children (albeit ineffectually; HE IS SO TINY) and even more shocked when Alexander responds to his "it is not the way of a warrior"-ing with "I don't want to be a warrior."

Murder mystery time! Kimpeck has died in a voiceover. (I'm telling you, they're dangerous.) The two challengers, Duras and Gowran, radio in to say they're on their way and, oh, yeah, Worf is a buttock. Picard calls Worf into his office just to let him know "I am aware of your discomfort," which is a little funny, and Worf begs Picard not to let Duras win the crown. They previously-on about Worf's dishonor--Duras's father betrayed the Empire to the Romulans, and Worf initially objected but eventually had to agree to lay the blame on his own father in order to preserve the peace, which means he's dishonored by the Klingon Principle of Daddy Issue Transference. Picard refuses to blame Duras for his father's crime. BURN.

Ah, the revered Klingon Ceremony of Poking the Dead Body with a Stick. Gowron has hilarious bug eyes. Death established, the challengers pressure Picard to do the ritual of succession right here, right now, and Picard's all um well actually uh until a well-timed explosion distracts everyone.

Okay, this is my question: why? Why would either challenger set off a bomb? The only person it helps is Picard. Whoever actually killed the old king should want the ritual to go on as quickly as possible, not give Picard more time, not to mention a boatload of new evidence. I mean that's just sloppy. At least when he later kills Kaylar (COME ON YOU KNEW THAT WAS COMING), it's rash and angry, not a calculated but still entirely wrongheaded and baseless crime. Or is the explosion just a plain attempt on Picard's life, or the other challenger's? If so you would think a crafty untraceable poisoner would be able to come up with a more foolproof assassination attempt than one which involves blowing up a room that he is in.

Back on board, Worf and Kaylar have a painfully awkward scene where they end up renewing their expressions of love and putting their hands on each other's necks and saying embarrassing sweet nothings in Klingon. Ag. Everyone has bug eyes. But Worf changes his tune, saying as much as he'd like to get married (what? that was quick), he can't because his own dishonor would be transfered to Alexander. Kaylar's so bored.

Kaylar advises Picard on how to draw out the ritual while he buys time to investigate the bombing and the poisonings. On her way out, she asks about Worf's discommendation. Saying "my interest is personal" was her first mistake; she could easily have passed this off as a legitimate query about Duras's background. Instead, Picard gets all tight-lipped and protective.

Minutes :30 to :40: time for the plot to move along! Geordi and Data figure out the bomb was Romulan. Picard tells the challengers, who both act surprised (and for some reason don't accuse Picard of the bombing, which would be both a good tactic and totally logical). Kaylar tries to access restricted records about Worf and Duras's fathers' trials. Duras finds out and confronts her. She acts about as well as a D&D player attempting "lawful neutral rogue (female)." Crusher figures out that the bomb was implanted in the body of one of the dead Klingons: Duras's man.

Worf's started playing with Alexander. He brings him home to find Kaylar bleeding all over and instants from death, OF COURSE. In her Dying Moment, she makes Worf and Alexander hold hands. Worf goes, "Rawwwwwwwr!" Alexander runs away.

Worf Takes Matters Into His Own Hands and there's a big fight with this Klingon sword thingies. Worf kills Duras. Picard reprimands him and there's a nice little speech about how--although Picard respects everyone's culture--Worf seriously needs to cut it out. I guess Gowron won, then? By default? Also, Worf is still sort of in dishonor. Anyway, back in his quarters he tells Alexander he's sending him to live with the Rozhenkos. Didn't Kaylar have a contingency plan for Alexander? Alexander asks, "Are you my father?" Hint, Worf: the answer to "Are you my father?" should never be "yes" unless the question is raised by party B while party A is in the process of saying "I am your f--" To be fair to Worf, though, when asked, he says "Yes," and widens his eyes and intones "I am your father" like he is making a personal private Star Wars reference.  

4x8 Future Imperfect

Riker's playing "Misty" on the trombone--badly--at Ten Forward, with Troi, Crusher, Worf, and LaForge gathered around. Troi mocks him. Crusher declares it cake time. Mmm, future cake. It's a flat gray square with a few twisted black candles in the center. It's weird how such an advanced culture as Star Trek humans are supposed to be seem to have lost perfectly good present-day technologies like appetizing cake or comfortable beds.

Picard enters the bridge and says, "We must hurry, Data, or we'll miss Commander Riker's party." Do you think they have to pay him extra when his lines are extra insipid? A random yellowshirt has some anomalous readings. Picard is all, we better check this out. He is so not upset to miss Riker's party. Picard and Data surmise that the rumors of a secret Romulan base nearby may be true. Picard comms Riker, asking for an away team. Riker nods at Geordi and Worf. Of course he picks the two MEN. (Well, I guess there's no reason for Troi to go on an away mission. But you'd think a doctor would be just as useful as a warp engineer.)

The planet from which the readings emanate is M-class but the notes just say "barren and inhospitable." So of course they decide to beam down. Space suits? What are those? These jammies are all we need! "Number One?" says Picard before they leave. "Happy birthday." How sweet. Hey, DID YOU GUYS KNOW IT IS RIKER'S BIRTHDAY? They poke around down on the planet a bit until there's a "sudden buildup of gas" (Riker I'm looking at you). The transporter can't get a lock. Riker coughs, passes out...

And wakes up in sick bay. "He's waking up," says Ogawa. Crusher enters in a Mrs. Garrett hairdo and calls Riker "captain." "Captain?" says Riker. Music swell on his utterly horrified face. HA! HA! Riker is afraid of command.

Crusher explains that Riker contracted some kind of virus while he was on the planet, and it's lain dormant for sixteen years. (Okay, so Riker has streaks of gray in his hair, and both he and Crusher seem to have a bit of wrinkle make-up, but Ogawa hasn't aged AT ALL.) Riker's been in a coma for the last ten days, and now he has memory loss. Crusher suggests that if he exposes himself to familiar stimuli, the memories might return, but the damage might be permanent.

Geordi and Worf weren't affected by the virus, Crusher explains as they walk to the turbolift. Riker watches in surprise as a female Klingon passes them. "There have been a lot of changes on the Enterprise in sixteen years," says Crusher. Yeah, for example they have three tiny bars on their comm badges now! Crusher tells the lift to bring them to Riker's quarters, but Riker has other ideas: "My life is on the main bridge, always has been." The computer makes him repeat the order. Crusher says the computer's been slow. What, Geordi's not fixing stuff anymore?

Speak of the devil: Geordi's on the bridge. He doesn't need a visor anymore. I know he's just using his normal, LeVar Burton, human eyes, but it looks really strange. Worf hasn't aged exactly but he has a giant scar on his face, and he's looking at the computer like he doesn't know how to work it. Data looks dashing in a red first officer uniform.

Riker orders a red alert when a Warbird decloaks, and everyone gets all awkward. Data explains they were expecting the ship. "Obviously I need to be briefed," Riker mutters. The Warbird hails; it's Admiral Picard (with an evil-twin beard)! Troi is standing next to him in her own Mrs. Garrett hairdo. When humans get old they always get these neat Rogue streaks of gray. Their hair is never just, you know, gray. Riker starts to complain about his virus but Picard rudely cuts him off. "We can talk about it after we transport over." Riker looks put out. But captain, I love you!

In the council room, Picard finally briefs Riker. Apparently four years ago, Riker saved a boatload of Romulans, and they were impressed. Negotiations began. They're now just four days away from a treaty. Picard says Riker still has to finish the deal, sixteen-year gap or no.

Troi takes Riker to his quarters. "Anything familiar?" He looks at a loss. There's the sound of bad trumpet playing. Riker looks in a room and sees a little smarmy, slicked-back-hair, 1950s young-republican looking kid. "Hi dad!" Nooooo! A promotion AND a family? Too much responsibility! There's a reason Riker has turned down his own command 821 times, you know.

Young republican or not, the boy's sadface is heartbreaking when it becomes clear Riker doesn't remember him. Troi asks for a moment alone with Riker, calling the boy "Jean-Luc." HA!!!!!

Troi tells Riker that he had a beautiful wife, Min, who died in a shuttle accident two years ago. She was the new counselor, after Troi left to work with Picard at Starfleet Command. So the shippers I guess can be pleased that Riker at least married a ship's counselor. (Are there Riker/Troi shippers, other than the writers?)

Troi leaves, and Riker awkwardly sits down with the boy, who is practicing his trombone again. "Pretty bad, huh?" he says bashfully. "I've heard better," says Riker. Brr! Did it just get cold in here? Riker takes a turn on the trombone and misses the same note on "Misty" as before. "You always miss that note," Jean-Luc says affectionately. This upsets Riker, apparently, and he goes out to the living room to call up his own service record. The computer lags again, and he curses at it. Jean-Luc comes in and tries to smooth things over. Picard comms Riker to the bridge to meet the Romulan ambassador. "Dad?" says Jean-Luc before he leaves. "Everything's going to be fine." He smiles. Riker narrows his eyes. Hee hee. Riker hates his child so much.

Riker immediately goes on the defensive when Tomalak beams on board. He's alarmed to find everyone referring to Tomalak as "Ambassador". Ambassador Tomalak says, "It is an honor to be the first Romulan to walk freely on a Starfleet vessel!" He's very polite and curious about everything. Riker asks for a moment with Troi and Picard, just to double-check that they really do trust Tomalak: "You've always told me it's a chess game with the Romulans. Move, countermove..." Troi senses no deceit. Picard assures him that Outpost 23, the location of the final negotiations, is no longer of strategic importance to the Federation. Riker doesn't know what to think. Crusher comms him. Jean-Luc's hurt.

In the sick bay, Crusher is magically fixing Jean-Luc's broken wrist. He fell playing a game. Riker yells at him. Crusher tells him to be nice to the boy; he's functionally lost both parents. In the turbolift on the way home, Riker and Jean-Luc have a touching moment. Riker says his own father was never there for him, and he's never felt quite ready to be a father. Jean-Luc assures Riker he has been a great dad. "I'll have to take your word for that," says Riker. "Because I don't remember any of it. Your first step, your first tooth... I want to remember." They hug.

In his quarters, Riker calls up home movies. He sees a lot of images of him and Jean-Luc wrestling, but the computer lags when he tries to call up an image of his wife. Jean-Luc helps by providing a stardate. Riker watches a Jean-Luc birthday party (his cake looks only marginally more appetizing than Riker's; also is it SHINY?) Riker frowns. "Mom was beautiful, wasn't she?" says Jean-Luc. Riker turns and looks at him like he wants to kill and eat him. Geordi comms.

On the bridge, Riker yells at Geordi about the computer problems. "I'm running a level one diagnostic," Geordi whines. "For thirty hours? You're incapable of that level of incompetence," Riker snaps. Ha! He's figured out this is an illusion, so now he gets to be mean to everyone. I hope it is not an illusion and he's just an asshole. "Where did you get that scar?" he asks Worf. "In combat!" says Worf. "What battle? When? Which sector?" Worf doesn't answer. Riker turns to Data and asks when they would arrive at some arbitrary location if they left now. "At warp one, three days..." "What about at warp seven? At warp eight? At warp nine?" Data looks around, mouth moving. He tries to excuse himself: "I can't operate as quickly as..." "You said 'I can't'! You used a contraction!" crows Riker, like, CASE CLOSED. Here is where this breaks down a bit, because Data obviously struggling with math in his head is an appropriately jarring sight, but there's no reason Data shouldn't be able to use contractions and drawing attention to that is just retarded. Picard and Tomalak enters as Riker is yelling at Data and Picard looks appropriately incensed. "Perhaps we should discuss this in the--" "Shut up!" Riker yells at Picard. OH MY GOODNESS YES.

Well, anyway, he clearly knows it's an illusion now. Tomalak ends the program. In a Romulan lab, Riker explains that he figured it out when he saw the visual record of his wife, Minuet, a Holodeck character. Tomalak can't believe it: "In your mind, she is real! Your feelings toward her remain quite passionate!" Ha ha Riker is a nerd.

Tomalak wants the location of Outpost 23. He puts Riker in a cell to think about it. His cellmate is Jean-Luc--or rather, a boy named Ethan whose image the Romulans used as Jean-Luc for the purposes of the program. He says he was captured off a research outpost on the edge of the Neutral Zone. He escaped once and hid for weeks in a "secret place," but they found him when he was foraging for food. He bolts when the guards come for Riker, and Riker punches out some Romulans and runs after him.

Ethan shows Riker the hidden storeroom in the rocks where he hid before, and Riker tries to come up with a way to escape. Ethan shoots down most of his ideas. They can't break into the comm system, for example, because it's voice-activated. "Whose voice?" "Ambassador Tomalak." Riker is immediately like, WHAT. "The only time he was called 'Ambassador' is in a Holodeck fantasy. How did you know about that?" "Uh... you told me?" I like that this was the tip-off; it's pretty subtle, because we've just been calling Tomalak "Ambassador" all episode, and the kid was THERE and it's actually pretty difficult to keep the realities straight. But I also like that Riker cottons right away. He's a smart boy. When the Romulans rush in, a well-timed distraction, Riker doesn't bother resisting. He just tells Ethan, "I don't want to play anymore." Ethan sighs and the Romulans disappear.

Wrap-up exposition. Ethan's mother was on the run from some "enemies." "She knew they would never stop looking for her, so she made sure I would be safe. She left the neural scanners. They give me anything I want." So what Riker wants is to be captured by the Romulans? Ethan wanted someone real to play with; he thought the neural scanners would make Riker happy, too. It's sort of cool to find out that one moment of emotion in the fake future--when Ethan was choked up about his mom's death, saying, "I really miss her"--was real. Riker offers to bring Ethan back to the Enterprise. "You don't have to stay here. You don't have to be alone." Ethan transforms into a typical bug-eyed alien-looking thing. "My name is Baruk!" he says. Good move, waiting until you already got the offer to transform. Yeesh. Riker does a creditable job of not appearing put off, though. He puts his hand on the alien-thing's shoulder. "To me you'll always be Jean-Luc." BURN ON PICARD. "Two to beam up." It's never explained what they do with Baruk. Put him in the Academy, I guess. That's what they do with all young people.