Xena: Warrior Princess Normal Size Recaps: Season 3
by Zelempa***** 3x10 The Quill is Mightier Everything Gabby writes comes true.
**** 3x18 Fins, Femmes and Gems Under Aphrodite's spell, Xena, Gabby, and Joxer develop overwhelming obsessions.
* 3x21-22 Sacrifice (1 & 2) Callisto helps Xena and Gabrielle fight Hope and Dahok.
Angry that her temple was graffitied by Xena fans, Aphrodite puts a curse on her publicist Gabrielle--enchanting a scroll so that everything she writes comes true. Gabrielle has just started her first fiction work which begins "Xena had gone fishing. Gabrielle awoke with a jerk..." So begins a day of crazy hijinks for Gabrielle and Joxer. During the course of the day, their well-meaning literary endeavors create mischief with barbarians, thieves, and sword enthusiasts; Ares and Aphrodite become mortal; a limerick by Joxer somehow ends up creating three naked Gabrielles; and one of many failed attempts to reunite with Xena ends up summoning Minya from "Day in the Life." The episode climaxes with a farcical sequence at "the caves" where Gabby has been sending inconvenient characters all day, followed by a fight in which to break the spell Gabrielle has to write exactly what Xena does--no embellishment--with help from color commentators Joxer and Ares.
This is one of the funniest episodes in the entire run. The central plotline is simple to understand, but produces a lot of complexity; several running gags resurface and are complicated at just the right times. Despite the wacky farce nature of the story, most of the humor is character-driven. Gabrielle maintains her literary pretentions, even in the face of a magical spell requiring simple, direct language. The gods Ares is especially choice this episode, delivering most of the deadpan snark ("Those caves are going to start getting pretty full"). Amidst the laughs, there's a heartbreakingly touching moment for the usual comic relief Joxer.
Highlights: Pretty much the entire episode. When Joxer suggests writing a description of Xena, Ares immediately growls, "Leather."; Ares chickens out of going after the barbarbians, pointing out, "I'm a mortal, I might be hurt."; In her exuberant final fight, Xena uses fish as weapons, including a chakram made out of an eel.
Slash Watch: Xena isn't around for most of the episode, but the whole storyline centers on Gabrielle's bardic Xena-worship. At the beginning, Xena has to coax Gabby into writing a story about someone other than her. Gabrielle makes multiple attempts to reunite with Xena through the power of the scroll, but finally Xena just returns on her own because of the power of her love, according to the touching little speech she gives Gabby.
One of the best scenes is between Ares and Gabrielle, in the roles of old boyfriend/new girlfriend. When Ares begins waxing rhapsodic about the way Xena used to be, Gabrielle says, "She has a new mission now." They begin to compare notes about Xena and her "steely gaze." Realizing they're bonding, they stop short. "Did you and I just start to warm up to each other?" Ares asks. Gabrielle assents. "I didn't like it," says Ares. "Me neither," says Gabrielle.
Aphrodite orders her followers to bring her the North Star in the form of a diamond and in order to distract Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer from recovering it, she places a spell on them which renders them obsessed with whatever they are thinking about at the time. Joxer becomes obsessed with the story of Attis the Ape Man, Gabby with herself, and Xena with fishing. Hijinks ensue. Xena manages to engineer the situation so that she recovers the diamond and launches it into the sky without breaking her fishing vacation. After dedicating the catching of a monster fish she remembered from her childhood to the memory of her brother Lyceus, she realizes that unfinished business with her brother was driving the obsession, and to break the spell for Gabrielle, she gets her to admit that she feels inferior because of being a sidekick. They go to bed deciding to deal with Joxer "tomorrow."
The episode is quite funny, though occasionally oversilly (and though it's amusing that Joxer is wandering around acting like Tarzan wearing a pink silk teddy and gym socks, where did they get those things?)
Like "The Quill is Mighter," the episode attempts to capitalize on elements which succeeded in "A Day in the Life." The kite makes a re-appearance, as does Xena's hands-on approach to fishing. Some of the musical themes are the same, too (though perhaps that's just the Xena: Warrior Princess Tender Kite Theme). Like "Day in the Life," it's very gay, on the whole, and ends with Xena and Gabrielle lying by the campfire looking up at the constellations. I'm not entirely comfortable with the recurrences--like they're trying to cash in on the success of the other episode by its superficial trappings, rather than the core awesome essence--but this episode has enough of its own going for it that it's not a big issue.
Highlights: Xena and Gabrielle bicker about the funness of punching fish in the face; Gabrielle lists legendary figures of history such as "Gabrielle the Great, Gabrielle of Troy, Gabrielle of the Nile, Gabrielle and the Four Seasons... Wait, there's more..."; Joxer calls upon all animals of the jungle to help him capture Gabrielle, a sequence which leads to Tarzan-style cuts to stock footage of the animals, including a goat (another DitL reference?). He calls the animals "brethren."
Slash Watch: They're purposely teasing us here, with lots of frustrated homoeroticism: when Joxer swings Gabby away on a vine, Xena shouts, "APE-MAN, YOU BRING HER BACK!" and then, undercutting that, "FISH DON'T JUST CATCH THEMSELVES!"; when Gabby falls into the lake trying to kiss her own reflection, Xena rescues her and is about to give her CPR when she sputters awake, crying "Not the lips! They chap so easily!"; as she recounts her near-drowing experience, Gabby tells Xena, "As I looked into your eyes, I realized there is only one person for me..." (Xena looks hopeful) "ME!" (Xena looks hurt).
Slash Watch: Gabrielle's love for Xena convinces her when her love for her daughter didn't, sure, but her daughter is an otherworldly killing machine, so it's unclear where the bar is set. There's a cute scene where Hope is questioning an oblivious Joxer about who loves and is loved by Gabrielle, and Joxer's nervous because he thinks it's Gabrielle trying to get him to admit he loves her, but he relaxes when Hope asks about Xena and answers confidently, "You love her more than anybody in the whole world!"
Highlights: Callisto is hot, and her death scene is sort of awesome, in a don't-mess-with-Xena-she-will-cut-you kind of way.
Lowlights: Hope is terrible. Also Ares, whom I normally like, is a simpering toady in this episode. Generally he errs on the side of selfish, self-important jackassery; it's just weird to see him kowtowing to some other god, especially one who isn't even in the real pantheon. He seemed vaguely uncomfortable about it, but not nearly enough, and the additional motivating factor they threw in--that Ares had impregnated Hope with his godly seed--was more TMI than anything else.
3x10 The Quill is Mightier
3x18 Fins, Femmes and Gems
3x21-22 Sacrifice (Parts 1 & 2)
The good news is Callisto is back, having escaped from the weird vortex where Hercules last left her (I think?) The bad news is Dahok and Hope are also back. Callisto helps Hope hatch out of an egg in exchange for the chance to be killed--she just wants existence to be over already--but when Hope renegs, deciding she's more valuable as a soldier of Dahok, Callisto switches to Xena's team, knowing Xena will need to recover the hindsblood dagger, the only thing which can kill a god, in order to win anyway. Callisto urges Xena to kill her with the dagger, pointing out Xena should be glad to get rid of her, but Xena spitefully (and somewhat self-destructively, I think) says she'll leave Callisto to live with herself.
Attempts of the bad guys and their followers to sway Gabrielle to their side by playing the "Hope is your daughter" card fail, but Ares takes Gabrielle to the Fates and shows her that if Xena kills Hope, her life thread will be cut. It is not really clear why this contingency exists, but there you are. It's enough to get Gabrielle to make little attempts at sabotage, and Xena begins to distrust her. In the end, Gabrielle saves Xena by throwing herself onto Hope before Xena can stab her with the dagger, knocking both herself and Hope into a conveniently placed pit of lava. Callisto immediately starts laughing and clapping her hands, so Xena turns on her and stabs her.